Hi everyone. After reading this post, I decided that I need to talk about a dark issue that has hung over my life like a cloud.
When writing about death, I need to include alcoholism, because it runs strong in my family.
It all started before I was born. But of course, I wouldn’t remember any of that. Once upon a time, we got along great. I used to spend a lot of time with him. When I grew up, I realized the truth: he just couldn’t function without drinking. Almost every word that came out of his mouth hurt me. He was so critical of who I was that I began to withdraw from the world. If all the people I talked to hurt me, then why talk at all?
Therefore, I spent (and still spend) many years in isolation. Painful and lonely it was; something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
You may think I am strange for suggesting that I don’t always feel like I am living. However, I made a vow to myself that I would never touch that which is undoing my father. Now as an adult, I can only watch as his health deteriorates by the day.
Sadly, this is not the only case of alcoholism in my family.
On a fateful day in 2009, when I was in high school, my aunt took a terrifying turn for the worse. The calls came in pieces: we had heard she was in the hospital, and that my uncles and grandmother were with her at every available opportunity. We got status updates frequently. The final calls were the worst: we heard that she was dying. The final call confirmed her death. My mother sunk into my arms and cried. I didn’t know what to do except hug her.
My aunt had health problems throughout her life and suffered from depression. She was a heavy drinker as a result. At the time, no one knew what had killed her. I only found out years later that she died from liver failure.
It always boggles my mind when people think they cannot have fun unless they are drinking. Is killing yourself slowly really that fun? Is the constant worry of your friends and family really worth it?
I will end by saying this: whenever you feel the urge to drink heavily, think of someone who loves you. Imagine the pain and suffering this person would face if you were to spin out of control with your drinking.
Here is a short poem:
Do you feel so alive
When you don’t realize
Your little maroon fantasy
is only ruining me
come back again
your life isn’t done
Do not pretend
There is no longer a sun
and fight the pain
because each time you do
Precious seconds you will gain