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Hi everyone. I hope everyone has been having a great week.

It’s been a rough week for me. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone by going to a career fair on Wednesday. I was stressing out about it for at least three weeks straight, but I jumped in and got through it.

I still do not feel satisfied. The anxieties of what will happen as a result of the connections I made linger. I constantly question what will happen. The constant worry has left me exhausted.

Therefore, I want to focus on a question for this post: Where am I going?

Truth be told, I have been hoping and praying for a situation to come along that pushes me outside what is comfortable. I realize that in order to move forward, I must challenge myself. It is hard to challenge myself when I don’t really know what I am doing. The career fair was the push I was asking for; a glimpse into what the future holds.

At these times, my mind takes over and instills fear and doubt. I feel powerless to act against it. I feel like I have no way of knowing anything. What does it all mean?

After reading this post today, a new thought crossed my mind.

Each of us is gifted at something. Regardless of what that gift is, we all must find it and use it to inspire others.

To be honest, I’m not sure what that gift is for me. A long time ago, someone once told me something I brushed off at the time:

“You are a smart person. Smart people should always spread their knowledge to others.”

I don’t consider myself smart. I don’t think I ever have, because as long as there are others out there who are smarter than me, I won’t feel smart. Using that logic, I feel that my writing isn’t any more special than the next person’s. Though I have always been uncertain, I have always prided myself on the fact that I try; I try to do something, I try to move forward. It is my hope that this persistence will eventually lead me to the truths I have been seeking.

This post asks: “Are we simply King Lear in this tragedy of life? Or can we instead, as a world, open our eyes and walk with purpose?”

I think that the only way to find out is to live. All the time we spend being afraid or worrying is only taking away from what our gift is. Each of us may not know our purpose, but as we throw ourselves into new situations, we may find out, despite the fear or pain we might feel. We don’t know until we try.

To end this post, I will post a poem inspired by this post:

The words, echoes, and sonnets of existence,

each so lucid in its wake

What does the tremble mean

when it makes my fingers quake?

 

The carnival‘s fresh blood

Awakens my inner beast

The one who speaks the most

Will always get the least

 

Strands of your silky hair

shared

shaved

and shoved

into the cracks and capillaries

of my crumbling heart

 

Teach me master

what am I missing?

 

The youngest son

a larva

squirming in his dreams

a flicker of falsity

and fading screams

 

You cannot wake again

 

What can I

influence?

I can only

wince

at my lowly

confidence.

 

The dreaming drunkard dilates

his eyes

a red collage

of bloody tears

 

pieces of ice

once, twice, thrice,

slice into the chaos

of realized fears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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