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Hello everyone! I hope everyone is having a glorious week.

What a week it has been for me. I got a very sudden e-mail on Monday night asking me to go in for a job interview on Wednesday. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack for two days straight.This was my first ever job interview, so I wasn’t sure what to expect or how to prepare.

Beforehand, I tried to drive to the location where the interview was going to be, only to get hopelessly lost in unknown and unfamiliar places because the GPS I was using wouldn’t work. Fortunately, the GPS decided to work when it counted, because I arrived 30 minutes early to my appointment.

To practice, I tried being as polite as possible and to smile at everyone I met that day. It never hurts to do anyway, but it is something I don’t always remember to do.

During the interview, the strangest thing happened. I felt so calm. I felt a huge wave of warmth sweep over me. The only way I can think of describing it in a way that makes sense is that I felt absolutely happy. The two men who interviewed me were nothing but kind to me. The appointment only lasted about 30 minutes, but I left the building feeling like I had accomplished something. On my way back home, I got lost again, so it felt like a grand adventure.

I will be honest, I spent a lot of time panicking and thinking I would end up failing. I kept asking myself why I was cursed with being so shy and introverted, and why I have such a hard time talking to others.

A few hours before the interview happened, I talked to a dear friend of mine who taught me something important:

“You have the skills to do this. Pretend that you are talking to me during the interview. You only think you can’t do this.”

It turns out she was right. There are certain times where I feel like I must act and take charge of the situation despite my quiet nature. I think that the interview I had was a start of something bigger, even if I don’t end up with the job.

So, this week I ended up learning a lot. Fear should not be the deciding factor in life, our hopes and dreams are much stronger and will never die.

My end poem is based off this post:

 

Oh discordant thoughts,

why do you despise me so?

My heart is a knot

which time

will never let go…

 

A coven of friends?

a leader of dead ends

 

A single thread

spun

wound

and left to bend

creating a feeling

of needless dread

 

oh blessed Polaris

please guide me home

or forever I shall be cursed

the lands mine to roam

 

The throat closes

around a silenced scream

This isn’t even a dream

 

A tangerine vision

of an overdue revision

Wherever the hand goes

the albatross knows

 

So must the musk

of eternal dusk

bring forth a lie

to send to the sky

And there perhaps

will be something

but maybe it will

amount to nothing

 

look at me

in my mendicant state

living on what I can’t see

tabula rasa, the unwritten slate.

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