Hi everyone. I hope everyone is having a marvelous week.
I am not feeling okay today. I can barely focus enough to write anything. I will try my best, but it may not end up making sense.
My week was difficult to get through for several reasons.
On Wednesday it was a cold and rainy day all day. As if that didn’t damper my spirits enough, I also had to say goodbye to a dear friend of mine. Because I am graduating from college in a few weeks, I may never see her again. As I saw her for perhaps the final time, a feeling washed over me that everything would be okay. I tried to focus on the fact that I am graduating, but the future is so uncertain that it was difficult for me to do so.
Yesterday wasn’t much better. I had a phone interview scheduled for yesterday. Due to circumstances beyond my control, the phone interview had to be rescheduled. I am having it later today.
Last night, I had a recital to go to with my brother. Though we had a general idea of where it was being held, we ended up at the wrong place. We drove back and forth trying to find it only to find out it was at the place we originally thought it was being held. We arrived late, but it all turned out OK in the end!
I made a mistake. It wasn’t a major mistake, but it is still plaguing me right now.
Now that that’s out of the way, I want to shift my attention to something more positive.
This post asks us to “write with the flow”. Since I am way too stressed out to properly meditate right now, I want to share a vision I had when I meditated earlier this week.
I pictured myself in a dark room. I could not see anyone present, so I asked if anyone was there and if anyone could help me out.
Someone eventually appeared. I could not clearly see him, but I could tell it was a man. He asked me to grab his hand. I don’t remember the exact details of the conversation, but he eventually told me something along the lines of:
“You need to find others like you.”
Ever since then, I have had a strong feeling overcome me when I think of specific people in my life. Perhaps these people are the ones I need to find?
I’ve been starting to take steps to overcome my social anxiety. Since I am moving on to a new phase of my life, I feel I need to take steps to minimize it. I realize it will be a long journey, but I must do it.
I will end off by saying one thing: Every event and person in life has a deeper meaning. The meaning may not be immediately clear but will reveal itself in time.
And now I will post a poem inspired by this post:
Enraged, the heart is so deeply calloused
A contention of ideas, his dishonesty rife
What can these palms do
that has not already been done?
When can the disharmony end
and the understanding begin?
A single letter
does not make my soul better
The sun’s embrace
or midnight‘s lace
Why does it settle
on the human race
the forest of insanity
eaten leaves sing
of nature’s call
and trees once so tall
Will the katana bring
a violent spring
Perhaps a string
of misguided souls
under the falcon’s new wing
Intentions, so noble and royal
perhaps a test
of who is truly loyal
Why is my journey
so different than the rest?
Why can’t I pass
this endless test?
Please forgive me
just let me rest
May this penitence serve
as the final request