Hello everyone! Hope everyone is having a great Friday so far!
It has been a very scary week for me so far. On Monday, my depression and anxiety were so severe that I had to curl into a ball and cry on my bedroom floor for at least an hour. My inner critic told me there was no way out of this pit I am in and that I will never amount to anything. I don’t know if I was having a panic attack or not, but that was certainly the worst I ever remember feeling. I had to force myself to do anything after that.
But guess what? I survived. I am still here. I can beat those feelings.
After that incident, something remarkable happened.
You see, in my desperation, I reached out for help. It was strange because I felt compelled to do so even though my brain was shouting at me not to. I felt like every person I asked for help was going to leave me a negative message after. I dreaded going on the computer because I had absolutely convinced myself that everyone who knew would say horrible things about me. My brain politely asked me what the hell I was doing. I was too weak to respond.
The next day, I learned that was not the case. Everyone had given me very positive and supportive messages filled with love and hope. Tears may or may not have been shed after reading all of them. (OK, I didn’t cry, but I came very close!)
For my entire life, I have always felt imperfect and uncomfortable in my own skin. I look at others and ask myself why I was born to be so different than everyone around me.
After reading all the messages I received, I realized one important fact:
Aren’t we all imperfect? Don’t all humans struggle with the same feelings of imperfection at some point in their lives?
By definition, no one is “normal”. All people have differences. All people endure hardships. Yet humanity is still thriving.
Though 100 years might seem like a long time, it goes by before we know it. Each moment is meant to be cherished and shared with the ones we love.
To everyone who is reading, please let all the people you love know how much they mean to you. Give them a hug. Help them out if they are having a difficult time. Let them know that they are loved and valued.
To end my post, I will post a short poem:
There’s nothing left
of her hollow shell
no way out
no wedding bells
and stand by my side
why is it
that you always choose
Does it matter
what I think
what I feel
is it real?
Can anyone even see it?
Does it matter?
surely it must
the carefully chosen words
have not faded into dust
What’s the difference?
Why do I never have an option?
Why is it that I must?
your eyes for me
stop the bleeding
so you can see
in the light
there is only trials
salvation is gained
by enduring each mile