This week’s Dungeon Prompt asks: “By what are you driven?”
At first, I always told myself that my goal in life was to go to school. I focused on my schooling and not much else in my life. I never reached out to many people. I very seldom joined clubs or social activities. My peers told me I was smart, but I never felt smart because there was always someone smarter than me. I told the world I was content when in reality I wasn’t.
For the past two weeks, I have been watching the school buses go by on my way to work. I graduated from college in May, and I no longer have to go to school. It’s an odd feeling that I am no longer in school. I had a very hard time after I graduated because now I am not sure what to do with my life. Yes I have a job now, but I don’t know what to do beyond that.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I think what drives me now is the desire to break free and find myself. I tend to make the excuse that “I can’t do this because I never learned how to” and “I need help to do this”. The truth is, we can’t rely on others for help. We have to make our own way. It is nice to have a helping hand, but we can’t count on it. Since I am not so good at reaching out, I am now learning this the hard way.
I often face the reality that I don’t see a way out of my situation since I don’t have much money right now. I am facing the fact that I must endure until I can afford to move on, which is not easy.
In my isolation, I often turn to prayer to give me comfort. I refuse to say that I am aligned to one specific religion, but I always feel like my prayers are meaningful. I cling to the hope that by praying, clarity will come to me and I will see a way forward in my life. I have to have hope or else nothing will get better. I am driven to find solace in my life; the solace I could never find in all my years of trying.
Well, I guess this post turned out pretty good for having no idea what to write. As usual, I will end off with a poem. Have a great week everyone!
Why can’t we see
the true reality
of what is to be
until we break free?
help us to stand
or force us to land
in the sinking sand
Why does the darkness
so shady and shrewd
Steal away our time
and let the seconds unwind?
Bring back the fortunes
of life’s good graces
before we come undone
and destiny decides to erase it
Sorting through the shame
of life’s unfair game
we can stand alone
and for our misdeeds we will atone