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Hello everyone! My apologies for posting two days late this week!

Since I am fashionably late in posting this week, I wanted to use this post to discuss how life often does not go as planned.

I worked two ten hour shifts this week. I tried my best to press on, but I was simply exhausted. I began making several mistakes, and at one point, I was flipping out. My coworkers had to tell me to calm down. To make matters worse, we were short handed and it was the busiest day of the week. I guess you could say I was starting to crack.

In my mind, the day is structured a certain way. Any deviance, regardless of how small it may be, is cause for me to start panicking. I feel that it is my fault that my day didn’t go as planned because I must have done something wrong to make it that way.

I came to a realization yesterday. There is a certain beauty in not knowing. If we go through a day knowing exactly what to expect, there is no room for growth. We can’t change if we don’t push ourselves through the fire.

But of course, my mind kept yelling at me that I was a failure for doing things wrong. My overtired self was screaming to go get some rest. I felt like I let everything and everyone down. But I pressed on because I must.

I was watching the movie earlier today. In one scene, a character planned his day in exactly the same way every day. Well, in that scene, everything in his day was wrong. He started to panic. He couldn’t handle change. His friends tried to reassure him, but he couldn’t accept the reality of change.

If we can’t accept that change is inevitable, then we will never move forward. Sometimes life has a way of throwing a curve ball. However, everything always happens for a reason. Even if you hear a door closing, it is for the best. Because in order to get to where you truly want to be, you have to go through many other doors, and sometimes that takes one unexpected turn.

I don’t even know anymore. I understand that life isn’t supposed to make sense. I feel like it has to make sense though in order to get anywhere. My entire life, I’ve been trying to find all the answers by myself. The real answer is that we will need the help of others in order to move forward.

Alright, well, I guess I will end this post with a poem as usual. Today’s poem is inspired by this post.

Ailing again

Life takes another bend

in the endless road

as the psyche explodes

 

If there is a such thing

as colors and ooze

it must be thrown away

by the consumption of booze

 

Under the bridge

of a perfect lie

that in order to live

we must first die

 

and so the traveler waits

with a worn out pitch

that walks off the tongue

into his unachievable wish

 

The soul can only lean

in one kind of way

for the other side

cannot see the light of day

 

Ubiquitous perhaps

or unusually quiet

the mind stays still

awaiting to riot

 

Expelled from fellow man

There is no other plan

Insanity takes hold

There is no control

 

The future intangible

The essence flows forth

Ageless is the time

of algae and brine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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