Today I wanted to discuss a topic that I am currently fighting: addiction. To be more specific, I have been fighting an addiction to caffeine for at least 5-6 years now. Every time I discuss this with family, they tell me that getting addicted to caffeine is impossible. They tell me I’m wrong.
You may be reading this thinking that I am wrong and that there’s no such thing. I’m here to prove that this caffeine addiction is real and that I am suffering from it.
Every morning, it is expected that I make coffee when I wake up. Of course, when I make it, that makes me want to drink it. I love the taste of coffee. It tastes heavenly. However, it only takes two cups for me to start getting “the coffee jitters”.
For about the past month or two, I’ve been chugging 2-3 cups of coffee a day. This may not sound like much to most people, but this is all it takes for my well being to start suffering.
My anxiety, which is already bad enough, reaches the breaking point. If I have to go to work, I have to pretend that everything is OK and that I’m not about to shatter from the slightest thing that goes wrong. I have a constant headache that never goes away. It’s hard to concentrate when my head is pounding so much.
I have even been suffering from physical discomfort from my coffee drinking. My hearing has even been affected. I have difficulty hearing out of one ear, which gets worse when I drink caffeine. I am constantly fatigued. I don’t even want to do anything.
I feel not okay all the time because of this. I keep telling myself that I’m making myself sick. Yet, like an addict, I can’t stop drinking coffee. I keep buying myself coffee then tell myself I’ll stop drinking it when it runs out. I keep repeating this cycle.
How can I stop an addiction when I live with people who also drink coffee? The only solution I can see is to leave this place altogether.
Well, I just ran out of the rest of my coffee last night. This morning, I made an effort to have a cup of tea instead. I had a bunch of tea on hand from the last time I tried to make the switch, so I used some of that.
The difference isn’t very noticeable so far. However, I don’t feel extreme amounts of anxiety at all today! It’s such a relief to feel like I’m not shattering for once. I hope this change sticks once and for all, because I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I must admit, I don’t really think I’m in the right mindset to write a proper poem for the end of my post today. Instead, I will just post a small blurb:
To embrace the sun
We must face the day
cast the night aside
and keep it at bay
When we awaken
we will come to see
that the illusion of stress
is only make believe.