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Hello everyone! Hope everyone had safe and happy holidays!

I know I’ve been absent from blogging for a little while. Simply put, I didn’t make an attempt to even look at my blog since I was so busy during the holidays.

In my mind, I feel I must have some kind of idea of what to post every week before I hit the publish button. I always tell myself something along the lines of “OK, I’ll post this one idea I have”.

And almost every time, that never happens. My idea almost always evolves into something else. I have always felt that winging it has worked the best for me as a result.

So, this will be one of those posts.

Lately, I’ve been trying to read books and do some research as to why I can never seem to alleviate the feelings of anxiety and depression I constantly experience. I feel like no matter how much I read, there is some point that I am missing as to why I am constantly stuck.

Today, I noticed something I consider to be important (but I don’t know if it is, this might sound normal to other people):

I visited the school I used to attend as a child. I only attended this school until I ended first grade. Although I have few memories of my time as a student there, I have nothing but positive memories of this school. When I went back today, I felt so much positive energy the entire time I was there. Students and teachers alike were so friendly to me, even those who didn’t know me. My first grade teacher still teaches there and gave me a big hug.

When I got home, a place that has not always been happy for me, that energy didn’t exist. I felt so tired and worn down. I felt so angry within seconds of setting foot into the door.

My mind wouldn’t even have noticed this before. But today, I felt like there is a reason that this happened. I felt like there is something that I did or didn’t do that caused this. I can’t figure it out, though.

But I will not give up trying to figure all this out. I feel like there is just so much I do not understand. If I make any progress, I’ll be sure to post it here. But in the meantime, I think I will end my post here.

But I can’t really end my post without a short poem, now can I? ūüôā

 

Coveted cuts

and severed strings

do not bring us

to a world

of happy things

 

what is this

that doesn’t speak

a life so fragile

so timid and meek

 

stand alone

and fight a few

or fight a thousand

inside of you

 

one lonely step

is all it takes

to erase your past

and correct your mistakes.

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