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Hello again everyone!

Lately, I’ve just been so confused about everything.

See, I feel incredibly blessed to have the job I have, even though I only make minimum wage and I don’t work a ton of hours.

Then I consider the alternative. I could be jobless. I could be losing my mind just to find something else (I nearly did lose my mind when trying to find this job).

But that would require me knowing what I want to do.

Here’s the thing: I don’t have a dream. I don’t have a vision of what my ideal job would be. I just don’t know.

I feel like my life so far has consisted of doing what I felt I was supposed to do: school, then college, then work.

In that time, there was just no time for soul searching. I did what I had to to get by in my life. I have survived, yes, but I haven’t felt like I’ve been living.

And I guess that takes me to the point I want to make. What does it take to truly find one’s self?

To be totally honest, I am sometimes tempted to just drop everything and take my car and drive away from my life. Forget the debts, forget the isolation, forget it all and go find what lies beyond the life I live.

Then the anxiety crawls in. “What about student loans? What about making money? Would my car make it? Would I have to go alone?”

That may sound extreme, but I have a feeling that I have to do something soon, or else I really will wither away.

A saying I have heard many times is “bloom where you are planted.”

I’m not even sure what it takes to bloom. Would it take me not being afraid, despite the ones who would push me down? Would it take me taking such drastic extremes and fleeing my current life? Would it take me many decades?

My mind sees a glimmer of hope, but is promptly swept away by the seeming impossibility of it all.

So now, my dear readers, I must ask something of you. Do you have any stories to share about how you found yourself? Or about how one would go about finding themselves? I really would love to hear your input, because I really am stuck right now.

I really hope everyone has a great week! I’ll post a short poem and try to make it a happy one 🙂

 

The butterfly

simply flies above

all the lies

and to simply undo

all the knotted ties

 

what then

will she whisper in my ear

knowing that I

contain so much fear

 

a child, really

in all her ways

thinking she can so carelessly

go out and play

 

but her image

so graceful and serene

just to help you

in an attempt to be seen

 

what then

do I not know

about anything in life

and where my feet must go

 

each smile

will bring about a sign

and lead to a life

that can be mine

 

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