My mind desperately wants to edit the title, but I refuse. I need to write what’s on my mind without any edits.
I don’t use the term “end of the rope” to sound dramatic. I use this term simply to imply that I have exhausted the extent of my knowledge. I don’t know how to proceed in my life.
I cling to the belief that everything will get better if I just give it some time. I feel like I’ve had all the time in the world, yet I don’t understand why I’m still stuck after all these years.
I see other bloggers I follow turning their words into something so positive. And I too try my hardest to be positive when I’m posting here. But sometimes it’s just not possible.
To be completely honest, I look at the talent of others and I feel like I just don’t hold a candle. It’s like I’m just okay at a lot of things and not exceptional at anything. I don’t understand this.
I know for a fact that nothing ever gets better if I dwell on it. But I don’t know what else to do.
I feel that this is my fault. Someone once told me I made the choice to be the way that I am. I remember thinking “how could I have chosen this? My parents gave me no choice”.
That doesn’t change the facts. I am this way because I chose to be this way somehow.
I think the lesson I must learn is that I must learn to be accepting and generous, even in the most dire of circumstances. If I cannot learn to be kind to myself, then no one else will be kind in return.
So even though I feel I’ve exhausted my knowledge of everything I know, there is always a new beginning after an ending.
I’ll be honest, I feel like my heart is crushed. However, I must be persistent in healing this or else I will fail.
I’m sorry that this post is such a downer this week, but I really need to get these feelings off my chest. I have no idea what’s in store for next week’s post, but I’ll try my best to make it positive.
Thanks for sticking with me everyone. I’ll be okay, I promise.