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Hello everyone! Hope you are all well this week!

My post this week is inspired by this post.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have been very very angry for a very long time. Although I do my best to hide this anger, I know that it is eating me alive.

Recently, an experience happened that scared me:

My grandmother was hospitalized for about a week. I was praying that she would make it through her suffering. Fortunately, she pulled through and is getting better every day!

During that time, I couldn’t help but think that I had somehow caused her suffering, because everything is always my fault.

You see, my grandmother and I have always had a strained relationship. I have lived with her for about half of my life now. Everything must be done her way or else. She’s not afraid to tell you if you’re not meeting her standards (which is often).

I can’t even stand to be in the same room as her most of the time. I can’t stop myself from thinking angry thoughts every time I think of her.

However, I know that anger often stems from fear. Perhaps we are both afraid of something.

I’m nowhere near being in recovery from this anger. I am afraid of so many things and see no solution. However, I know there is one, and it’s no one else’s fault that I’m so afraid. A few days ago, I came to the conclusion that I am literally paralyzed with fear and cannot move forward…

I feel like my anxiety and indecisiveness is literally causing harm to others. For my sake and everyone else’s, I know I must move forward. But how? I feel like it will take me a lifetime to answer this question.

I am trying to just take it day by day. I am currently attempting to make efforts to let go of anything that isn’t working. I’ve made a little progress so far, but still have a long way to go.

That’s about it from me this week. It’s been a little while since I’ve written a poem, so I will write a poem for the end of this post!

Have a great week everyone!

Daffodils and window sills

The essence of everything so still

Eternity cannot defeat

The lack of words so sweet

And still there is a way

revealed in the new today

red and black

cannot attack

the yellow beams of day

Purple cries

and sunlit skies

aren’t the only reason

for the current season

the moonlit hollow

of an ancient core

silently awaiting

for you to reveal more

There is only white

in the darkest night

No sign of fright

only greater heights

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