Hello everyone! Hope you are all well this week!
My post this week is inspired by this post.
As much as I hate to admit it, I have been very very angry for a very long time. Although I do my best to hide this anger, I know that it is eating me alive.
Recently, an experience happened that scared me:
My grandmother was hospitalized for about a week. I was praying that she would make it through her suffering. Fortunately, she pulled through and is getting better every day!
During that time, I couldn’t help but think that I had somehow caused her suffering, because everything is always my fault.
You see, my grandmother and I have always had a strained relationship. I have lived with her for about half of my life now. Everything must be done her way or else. She’s not afraid to tell you if you’re not meeting her standards (which is often).
I can’t even stand to be in the same room as her most of the time. I can’t stop myself from thinking angry thoughts every time I think of her.
However, I know that anger often stems from fear. Perhaps we are both afraid of something.
I’m nowhere near being in recovery from this anger. I am afraid of so many things and see no solution. However, I know there is one, and it’s no one else’s fault that I’m so afraid. A few days ago, I came to the conclusion that I am literally paralyzed with fear and cannot move forward…
I feel like my anxiety and indecisiveness is literally causing harm to others. For my sake and everyone else’s, I know I must move forward. But how? I feel like it will take me a lifetime to answer this question.
I am trying to just take it day by day. I am currently attempting to make efforts to let go of anything that isn’t working. I’ve made a little progress so far, but still have a long way to go.
That’s about it from me this week. It’s been a little while since I’ve written a poem, so I will write a poem for the end of this post!
Have a great week everyone!
Daffodils and window sills
The essence of everything so still
Eternity cannot defeat
The lack of words so sweet
And still there is a way
revealed in the new today
red and black
the yellow beams of day
and sunlit skies
aren’t the only reason
for the current season
the moonlit hollow
of an ancient core
for you to reveal more
There is only white
in the darkest night
No sign of fright
only greater heights